What I Really Want
by Kouhai-sempai
Summary: Sasuke and Sakura try something new, but can the results only be pain? Or can they finally find what they've been searching for all along? Yaoi, yuri. AU.
1. All the Girls Say

_Hmm…well, this was originally intended to be an amusing crack fic, but it didn't quite end up that way. Actually, it's not even remotely close. -_-; Well, anyway, the scenes line up loosely with the chorus of Kate Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl." I did tweak some of the lines to suit my own purposes, but they're pretty much the same. My intention is to make this last exactly three chapters—no more, no less. Please enjoy!_

_**Dedication:**__This is dedicated to my friend Yahweh (not to be confused with God or yaoi). He's the one who gave me the original idea (along with a few other ideas)!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Unfortunately, I don't write song lyrics, just stories. I don't make characters, either. I just borrow them from Kishimoto._

* * *

It's strange. After all these years, after everything we've been through, this should never have happened. We'd worked so hard to make this work, and now, here I was, destroying it all. Destroying something that I'd wanted most in the first place. What was I supposed to gain from this? What did I want? Even I didn't know anymore.

* * *

ACT I SCENE 1:

_I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It_

The destruction started with an ordinary Friday night. Just like any Friday, the girls and I were off for a night away from boyfriends, work, and a multitude of other daily annoyances. Maybe that was my first mistake. This girls' night out was a weekly ritual, but I'd never gone while I was mad at my boyfriend before. I shouldn't have gone. I should have made up with him first, but something stopped me. Something about losing even just this one Friday didn't seem quite right. So I went, even though I was angry. Even though I knew I shouldn't drink while angry. Even though I knew I would regret it in the morning. Still, I never thought I would regret it this much.

I met Ino and Hinata at the usual place, and they called out, "Sakura!" to me as usual. I greeted them back wholeheartedly, as if I wasn't angry, as if I expected this night to be as fun as they were expecting. But then the drinking began, and it didn't stop. This was what I knew would happen. Maybe I was actually hoping for it. What I wasn't expecting, what I wasn't hoping for was what happened next.

I guess saying that her face got too close would just be making excuses. Still, if she hadn't sidled up against me to make sure that I saw the look of concern in her eyes, I might not have done it. But she did. And I did. I kissed Ino.

That look of concern turned into a look of shock, then fear. Then, it became something I didn't recognize. I suppose you could call it passion. I don't know why I didn't recognize it. After all, I did have a boyfriend. Although, maybe passion just doesn't register with Uchihas. And anyway, I wasn't concerned with that at the moment because I'm pretty sure my eyes were going through the same transformation as Ino's. I knew my body was.

* * *

ACT I SCENE 2:

_The Smell of Her Family's Flower Shop_

And my body decided that it didn't want to stop there. As a scared and forgotten Hinata stared at us for a moment and then ran out of the bar, we were pulling at each other's hair, creating knots that girls ought to be ashamed of. And even then, my body wasn't satisfied. Apparently, Ino's wasn't either because it was her who quietly suggested that we leave, and her who pulled us both out onto the street and towards her apartment even as we continued to tangle around each other.

I never saw the pair of black eyes looking on from the darkness as we stumbled through the soft fragrances of her family's flower shop and up the stairs to her little room.

Maybe I could have written off those first few kisses in the bar as some sort of drunken misjudgment, but the rest of the night wasn't like that. By the time I pushed her down onto the silky sheets of her bed, I felt completely sober. The world around me reached a new clarity that I had never felt before, and every touch made it that much clearer. It was the ultimate euphoria.

Euphoria never lasts long.

* * *

ACT I SCENE 3:

_I Kissed a Girl Just to Try It  
I Hope My Boyfriend Don't Mind It_

I awoke the next morning to the smell of flowers drifting up from the store below. It didn't take long for me to recall every detail from the night before. Perhaps I should have felt ashamed (or possibly hung-over), but I didn't. Not yet. In fact, I felt almost relieved. My anger from the past few days was all but forgotten. Still, I knew I shouldn't be there. I decided to try one last thing. I made a little bet with myself. If I kissed Ino while she was still sleeping, and she woke up, I would stay a little longer. If she didn't, I would leave. I carefully bent over her, not wanting her to wake up before I kissed her, ruining my little wager. I kissed her softly as the guilt started to settle in, and I began to realize that some part of me actually wanted out of there as soon as possible. She stirred quietly under my lips, but her eyes stayed closed even as I rolled myself out of her grip and onto the floor.

As I quickly gathered my clothes from all over the room, my conscience got the better of me and frantically strung together excuses for when I got home. It was stupid to do so, as it wasn't rare for me to end up spending the night at Ino's or Hinata's after these weekly Friday splurges. But my rational mind was already long gone. After all, I had just cheated on my boyfriend—with a girl, no less. Not just any girl, either. Ino was my best friend. Not only that, my boyfriend was someone I had worked hard to get, someone I had had to confess to time and time again for years before he even agreed to acknowledge me. What had possessed me to do this? Why was I unsatisfied?

With shame welling up inside me, I half-ran down the stairs, through the store, out the door, and—and I stopped. _No_. Those cold, lifeless eyes I knew so well were staring at me from the sidewalk. _Sasuke! No! No, no, no, no, no, no!_ He had seen. He knew. I know he knew. Those dark eyes that had never shown anything but emptiness were suddenly filled with anger and hurt. I couldn't move as he turned swiftly on one foot and ran down the street, eyes red from the sunrise.

* * *

_Aly: -stretches- Ah, it sure is quiet here without my favorite emo kid and his sunshiny plaything._

_A voice: OH, ALY!!!_

_Aly: Dammit. Shut the hell up, Ino. I'm sick, tired, and I have a headache. What the hell do you want, anyway?_

_Ino: Oh, nothing. I just saw that you finally decided to let me in on some action, and I was curious. -flips hair-_

_Aly: -sigh- That's fine. Glad you're happy. Now, can't you take that high-pitched voice of yours somewhere else? -rubs head-_

_Ino: -crosses arms and frowns- Hmph. Fine. But I should warn you._

_Aly: What?_

_-door slams open-_

_Ino: Naruto and Sasuke are back. -strolls out-_

_Naruto: Aly! We're back! Let me tell you all about…-chatters on-_

_Sasuke: …_

_Aly: -groans- Well, I guess I'll see ya all later. Please review while I try to get them to leave me alone again…-_-_


	2. All the Boys Say

_Wow, this came out really short. Hmm…I don't know why. I thought Sasuke just needed to be a lot more direct than Sakura. You know: short, sweet, and to the point. -shrugs- Anyway, there's just one more chapter left, so read on and enjoy!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Unfortunately, I don't write song lyrics, just stories. I don't make characters, either. I just borrow them from Kishimoto._

* * *

It's stupid. The only reason I submitted myself to that ghost of love in the first place was because of my duty to my family. Leave an heir. That was my purpose, the very thing that had been drilled into my head since the day I was born. Now, here I was, experiencing something very different. Something that would make it impossible to leave an heir.

* * *

ACT II SCENE 1:

_I Kissed a Boy and I Liked It_

I saw it. I saw them. How could she betray me like this? This whole makeshift relationship was her idea. She was the one who worked so hard. Why? Why did it have to turn out like this? But that didn't really matter. All that really mattered was that it had happened. Now, I was running down the street, barely able to think while the wind whipped through my hair. I had to do something, anything. Words flitted through my head. Betrayal. Hurt. Anger. Revenge. I stopped. Revenge? Yes, that would do. That was the word I needed. That was the action I needed to take, and I knew exactly how to do it. My feet knew the plan long before I did, and I found myself bursting into the dojo where I knew he'd be practicing.

He stared at me as if I was crazy—slamming open the door of the dojo, drenched in sweat, asking for—no, _demanding_ a spar immediately. He obliged excitedly enough, though. Idiot. He was going to regret it soon, but I didn't care. This had to be done. The spar began. Punches were thrown; blood was spilt; limbs were tangled. I found my opening; I took my chance. I threw him to the ground and began my revenge. I kissed Naruto.

Then, I began to feel something. I suppose you could call it passion. I tried to cut off the feeling, tried to remember my purpose. My body wasn't having it. After all, it was sadly deprived.

* * *

ACT II SCENE 2:

_The Taste of Blood and Sweat_

I stopped trying to control myself, and he stopped trying, too. My whole world was flesh and metal and salt. All I could feel was heat; all I could taste was blood and sweat. It was all he could sense, too, if his eyes were any indication. It felt liberating, satiating—as if a lifelong thirst was being quenched.

I could feel blue eyes watching me carefully: the glazed pair, barely seeing below me and the watery pair disappearing into the shadows, a heart slowly breaking behind them. For now, all I focused on was the pair below me, reacting to my every touch as we tumbled on the tatami mats, creating more blood, more sweat.

* * *

ACT II SCENE 3:

_I Kissed a Boy Just to Try It  
I Hope My Girlfriend Don't Mind It_

There was no particular reason why I had chosen Naruto. Maybe because he was my best friend—like Ino was Sakura's best friend. Maybe it was because he was the first guy that popped into my head, or perhaps he just had the lowest guard. But none of that mattered as I gazed at his sleeping body, breathing slowly and innocently as if today had not happened. I ran a hand along his spine, testing the texture with my fingertips. Somehow, he didn't wake up, so I kissed his forehead, relishing in the impulsive gesture. I arose from his grasp swiftly and quietly, regaining my senses, my purpose.

I pulled on my clothes as quickly as I could manage because I knew she would be there. I knew she'd be waiting, ready to confront me. Hn. As if she didn't know why this had happened. As if she didn't know why I'd done this.

I walked into the cool evening air, and there she was. Waiting, ready to confront me with her hair ablaze in the setting sun.

* * *

_Aly: Hmm…it still seems way too short. Maybe if I—_

_Voice: -roars- AAALLLLYYYY!!!_

_Aly: -jumps- -turns around slowly- -gulps- Haha, uh, yes, Kyuubi? -wrings hands nervously-_

_Kyuubi: What is this? -shoves laptop in Aly's face-_

_Aly: Uh…_

_Kyuubi: -growls- And don't you dare say a laptop._

_Aly: -gulps- Um…a…uh…review page?_

_Kyuubi: And what the hell is this? -points to one of the reviews-_

_Aly: Uh…a…uh…review I posted?_

_Kyuubi: -growls- '-points and laughs at Kyubbi-,' huh?_

_Aly: -gulps- S-s-s-s-sor-r-r-r-y…_

_Kyuubi: WHY YOU—_

_Naruto: -bellows- KYUUBI, LEAVE ALY ALONE!!_

_Kyuubi: -hides behind Aly-_

_Aly: What the hell are you doing? -sidesteps- Get him, Naruto._

_Naruto: -cracks knuckles- Gladly. -drags Kyuubi away-_

_Aly: Thank goodness. -wipes forehead- Now that that's over—_

_-loud crash- -odd sounds-_

_Aly: Dammit, Naruto! You were supposed to beat him up, not molest him! -whispers- Not that I really mind. -winks at reviewers- Please review while I get an eyeful!_


	3. Everybody Says

_Wow, I totally meant to post this last weekend, but then I got sick, and I was at home, so I didn't have a computer, and the site wouldn't let me on, and…okay, maybe I'm just making up excuses. But still, sorry to the few who were waiting for it!_

_I had an interesting time writing this fic, as I'd never written in first person before. Honestly, I don't even think I've actually had any characters having sex (except when I talk to them at the end of my stories, haha). I'm a little concerned that I might confuse people at the end of this, so please tell me if the way I did the ending confused you at all, and I'll try to change it or add a bit of a legend. Please feel free to give me any criticism, as every author needs all the help he or she can get!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Unfortunately, I don't write song lyrics, just stories. I don't make characters, either. I just borrow them from Kishimoto._

_Once again: thanks to Yahweh for the idea! :)_

* * *

ACT III SCENE 1:

_It Felt So Wrong_

We walked towards each other with our hands on our hips as if all the fault was with the other person and none with ourselves. We stood there for a long time, just taking stock of each other. Then, the fighting began. We yelled. We screamed. But we never moved an inch, never reached out to punch or to resolve. We didn't need to, really. Our hearts weren't in the fight. This was all just years of frustration, spilling out into the air between us.

Finally, after the sun had gone down, and all we could see was the other's skin glowing in the dark, we quieted and moved towards each other with fierce but forced determination. We kissed and touched, same as we had always done. Nothing had changed, not even the feelings and thoughts that went with the actions, but that was the problem. For the first time, both of us realized just how empty the actions were. They were wrong. We were wrong. All of it—just wrong.

* * *

ACT III SCENE 2:

_It Felt So Right_

We pulled apart and regarded each other once more. We looked into each other's eyes and knew we were thinking the same thing. It was over. We'd worked hard, but it hadn't been enough. We were on exactly the same wavelength—another first. We chuckled, quiet and dark at first, then more loudly and cheerfully, until we were both laughing so jovially that we would be rolling on the ground if not for our pride. It felt beautiful, this hearty laughing that we had not done for years, and one of us had never done at all.

When we quieted at last, we closed the gap between us once more, this time only hugging gently—as friends. We realized that this quiet, friendly action was something of a goodbye, and we hugged tighter, whispering our goodbyes into each other's ears.

We did not notice the two pairs of dejected blue eyes floating in the gloom.

* * *

ACT III SCENE 3:

_Don't Mean I'm in Love Tonight_

I let go of her.

_He let go of me._

**We glanced at each other one last time and went our separate ways, heading back towards the people who had finally allowed us to realize the fallacy of our relationship.**

I stepped back into the dojo.

_I walked back to the flower shop._

I found him sitting among his scattered clothes, staring at the various knives on the wall but not really seeing them.

_I found her standing among the sprays of flowers, staring blankly at a pot of black roses._

**They knew. They'd seen.**

He turned towards me.

_She turned towards me._

His mouth opened and closed silently.

_Her lower lip quivered._

He gulped.

_She gulped._

He opened his mouth.

_She opened her mouth._

**"I saw you, you know. I knew you two were…"**

He looked back at the knives.

_She looked back at the roses._

**"I knew you two were together. I knew this was just a fling, but…"**

He trailed off.

_She trailed off._

**They were hurt—badly. We'd hurt our blue-eyed angels before we'd even managed to claim them properly.**

I walked around him and put my hands on his shoulders.

_I reached out to her and took her hand._

"Please, Naruto."

_"Please, Ino."_

**They looked us square in the eyes. "I just don't know."**

* * *

ACT III SCENE 4:

_I Kissed…and I Liked It_

**We swallowed. We knew we'd done them wrong, used them. But we didn't throw them away. We would never throw them away. Would they believe us if we told them that much?**

**So we pleaded again.**

"Please, Naruto."

_"Please, Ino."_

**"Listen to me."**

**Blue eyes watched us patiently. We didn't deserve it. We took the chance anyway.**

"It never felt right with her."

_"It never felt right with him."_

"But when I'm with you…"

_"But when I'm with you…"_

**"It's perfect."**

**Now those eyes searched, looking for the lie, the doubt. But there was none, and we bore our souls through our eyes openly and confidently.**

**They mumbled something. We leaned closer.**

**"Prove it," they whispered.**

**"How?"**

**"Like this." With that, we found ourselves pinned to the floor with their lips.**

**And we liked it.**

* * *

When the long night finally ended, and the sun started to peek over the horizon, we got up quietly, glancing back at our angels, still undisturbed despite the blaring light coming through the windows. We walked towards the windows, raising our hands to the curtains. We looked briefly over the town, our eyes glowing red for a moment. Then we drew the curtains shut tightly, shielding our beloved blue eyes from the corrupting blazing red of the dawning sun.

* * *

_Sasuke: Dammit, Aly!_

_Aly: -cowers- What did I do this time?_

_Sasuke: You made Kyuubi come here!_

_Aly: -cowers more- I didn't mean to!_

_Sasuke: Yes, you did! And Naruto…Naruto…-clenches fists and shakes with rage-_

_Aly: Ano…Sasuke?_

_Sasuke: …_

_Aly: -mutters- Well, at least his anger isn't COMPLETELY directed at me. Hehe, Sasuke, Kyuubi quite literally lives inside Naruto. Naruto molesting him pretty much means that Naruto is jacking off. Don't you think that's kind of, well, hot?_

_Sasuke: -stares at Aly- -looks thoughtful- -grins evilly- You know, I never thought of it that way…this might be kinda fun…-walks away still grinning-_

_Aly: -_-; I'm not sure whether to be scared shitless or full of anticipation. At least, he's not angry at me anymo-_

_Sasuke: -calls from another room- I'll deal with you later, Aly!_

_Aly: Dammit. Well, as always, please review. Oh, and by the way, I actually do use "ano" in real life. It kinda psyches people out…_


End file.
